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ohhallielujah

…but I’m tired

My go to excuse. This is my favorite line, that I use way too frequently. After dealing with the stresses of the child welfare system all day, and wondering what I could’ve done better or if I’ll ever actually help a family come back together, I just want to come home and sit. That’s right, I just want to sit on my couch and not move. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted, and some mindless television and wine sounds like heaven. Then I remember that I go to school full-time, and the side project I’ve been brainstorming, and all the crafting I want to do, and I just, well, get even more tired. So I sit. And I eat. And I binge for a couple hours on Netflix. Then I go to sleep telling myself I’ll do better tomorrow, but tomorrow comes and the cycle repeats itself. My sink continues to pile higher and higher with unwashed dishes, and let’s not even talk about the status of my laundry. Every day I dump it on my bed telling myself I’m going to fold it that evening, and every evening it gets pushed back into the laundry basket unfolded. Today is going to be different though, today I washed my dishes after finishing at the gym. Baby steps. Today I promise myself I will work on school or crafting after work. (With Netflix playing in the background and probably a glass of wine. Baby steps.) Today I will do better, instead just saying I will.

 

“You gotta have a vision, a vision for what is it is you really truly want. A vision is about what you’re here to create. A vision that really works, is one that excites you.”

25.

“You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.”-Louis C.K.

This quote may be one of the most fitting ones I’ve found for my current spot in life, because I am definitely lost (most of the time just figuratively, but literally at times as well, more often than I’d like to admit) and I definitely don’t feel okay all the time.Like many people, I have multiple passions and interests, a job I some days enjoy, and others loathe, and the desire to establish what I want the overall vision for my life to be.

So here is my attempt at organizing my thoughts, and getting others’ perspectives. Although some will argue, a blog should have a focus and a reoccurring theme or topic, like my life, there isn’t really an overarching theme that comes to my mind. Will it include some things about fitness? Most definitely. Will it include some posts about crafting? Most likely. Will it include posts about quantum field theories? Absolutely not. (I actually just googled “complicated math topics” to come up with that, I have no idea what it means).

Some day perhaps, the focus of my writing and maybe even life, will become clear. As of right now though, I’m a single, twenty-something, living in a small, slightly safety compromised downtown apartment, working a stressful job, going to school full-time for a second bachelor’s degree, while trying to maintain a social life and my sanity, so this blog couldn’t be more chaotic than my real life if I tried.

 

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